The Struggles With Mother Daughter Relationships

The Struggles With Mother Daughter Relationships

Let me be honest I haven’t had the best relationship with my mother since becoming a mother. Needless to say there has been damaging things said by my mom that are so harmful and disrespectful to myself and my family. With years of disfunction and unhealthy banter from my mother I now find myself at the stage in life to be completely drained and now having no more energy to even pursue any type of relationship. After years of having the same conversations trying to mend things between her and my family I have now reached the point in my life that it is better for myself to love from a far. Of course I will always love my mom but there comes a time when the best thing for my own happiness is to maintain a distant relationship.

Moving forward with my decision to love from a far has been something I have struggled with but in the end it has been the right decision for my family. When it comes to my kids my youngest is too young to know any different but my oldest sometimes asks questions and my husband and I have made the decision to tell her the truth and explain to her the reasons why we don’t see or talk to grandma as often anymore. I am not going to lie or cover up the reasons why my children don’t see their grandmother they deserve to know the truth and be fully aware that is has nothing to do with anything they have done.

By coming to terms with the fact that loving my mom from a far is acceptable, I have noticed such a positive change in myself and family by letting go of the idea that my mother will one day change. At the end of the day you need to do what is best for yourself and family even though some of those choices might not fit the “norm”.

 

My Mom Rituals and Taking Care of Myself

My Mom Rituals and Taking Care of Myself

During the craziness of raising  kids it is so important for moms to remember to take care of yourself! It only took me 3 years of being a mom to figure this out on my own. It was so difficult for me to do something for myself when I first became a mother, I literally took my baby with me everywhere I had to go, even the dentist. I was too anxious about anyone else taking care of my baby, because only I as the mother knew exactly what do to…… or so I thought.  After years of doing this I eventually began to burn out and started to feel a bit lost on who I was as an individual. I was so wrapped up in taking care of the kids that I forgot to take care of myself in the process and it was starting to show. So one day I decided to start taking some me time and also taking better care of myself  as I was starting to look pretty sloppy.

Here are some ways that I take some me time when the kids are napping even if I only takes 15 minutes, trust me it makes a difference.

1.) Nightly face wash routine with toner, anti aging face cream, Heaven knows I will thank my future self 15 years from now for this!

2.) Take a bubble bath, try it during your kids nap time and enjoy the silence.

3.) I enjoy reading a book and drinking coffee so I try to do this in the morning before the kids wake up.

4.) Painting your nails, either go to a salon and get this done or do it yourself at home.

5.) I love decorating, so going online and search on decorating websites for some inspiration for my next project.

6.) Exercising, I try to do something physically active at least 3 days a week. I need to be able to keep up to my busy kids!

 

Whatever you enjoy doing, take the time and do it! Make yourself a priority, you will be a better wife, mother, and individual.

 

 

 

How to Get your Kids to do Chores

How to Get your Kids to do Chores

At first before having kids I thought, kids doing chores at a young age is something I would never do…. Well that changed! Now that I have a 4 year old that is more than capable of making her own breakfast and being independent it only made sense to introduce chores into the equation. So in order to make doing chores exciting we made a calendar with a list underneath of what responsibilities are to be completed daily. Below is the list of what chores are to be completed.

1.) Keeping Room Clean, including making bed, all clothes and toys picked up.

2.) Keeping Toy room clean and tidy

3.) Picking up all toys in the house once done playing and returning to toy room

4.) Putting coat and shoes away once returning home

5.) Putting folded clothes away into closet

Then at the end of the day before we get ready for bed we go over the calendar and if all chores have been completed a sticker gets to go on the calendar for that day. If stickers are earned for one whole week we get to go do an activity of her choice. Whether it’s going to the park to play, swimming, or playing a game at the house together. It’s been a great opportunity to teach responsibilities and also a great bonding experience to do some fun things together!

Picking up toys 10 times a day was starting to make me a frustrated mom and I was allowing myself to get frazzled  by doing these redundant tasks for my daughter day in and out. By her taking responsibility for her own toys and room it has made me more patient and now we have more quality fun time together and I have noticed she is a lot happier to complete her list of chores and wants to earn her sticker in order to pick a fun activity for the week.

Let me know chores you have implemented for your kids to be responsible for and how you ensure that they get completed.

 

The Power Of The Words “I Love you” When Raising Children

The Power Of The Words “I Love you” When Raising Children

When I was growing up I remember feeling uncomfortable hearing the words “I love you”.  Looking back I’m not really sure why those words made me uneasy, it wasn’t something that was reiterated daily but my family did say those words to each other. My husband on the other hand never heard the words too often, it was just the way he was raised.  Now moving forward with our kids those 3 small words are used so many times in a day I cant even keep count. No Matter what is going on there is always 3 situations when the words I love you are required to be said in our home.

1.) Saying Goodbye
My husband works long hours and the kids are always sleeping before he leaves for work and sometimes he doesn’t arrive home until after the kids are asleep in bed. So on those evenings when he is home to put the kids to bed there are always good night hugs, kisses, and I Love You’s. Even talking on the phone with Dad, it is important for the kids to always say I love you before hanging up.

2. Morning Cuddle Time
Every morning when the kids wake up we always have some cuddle time and we always say “I love you”  I want my kids day to start off with them knowing how much they are loved.

3. Play Time
Whenever I join the kids for playtime I make sure once we are finished playing together I say “thank you for letting me play with t you and love you”.

 

No matter the situation I want my kids to know that they are always loved by their parents and that nothing in the world can change that.

5 Ways I’m Raising My Kids To Be Successful

5 Ways I’m Raising My Kids To Be Successful

I am the youngest of three and was brought up in an average working class household, My Father always worked, My mother stayed home with us until we were in school and then she went off to work. My parents always provided for us and we were a happy healthy kids! They did the best they could and I had a very happy childhood going on camping trips, I played sports, and had great friends.

In the big scheme of things looking back, my parents were very laid back. Once I became a teenager I was pretty self sufficient I could come and go as I pleased I didn’t go get a job until I was a senior in high school and I decided to do it on my own. At the time I loved the freedom of working and going out and doing whatever I wanted it was great! However; this did nothing to set up myself for success or teach me about hard work and what it’s like in the real world.  Higher education was never encouraged either which I regret not pursuing. I was sheltered and was not fully prepared by my parents for dealing with bills and responsibilities.

Once I had kids I knew I would be raising them differently.

Here is a list of 5 ways I am raising my kids adversely different.
You Can Do Anything
1.) I want my kids to know that they can do anything! encouraging a can do mindset is something that is so important! I repeat to my kids their name and say you can do anything. My daughter now if she is having an trouble trying to do something she will say her first and last name and say “I can do anything”. It’s so cute and I love that she solves the problem and feels so proud of herself.

Never Give Up
2.) Let’s face it everyone has quit something at some point in their life. For my kids I want them to understand when you start something you never quit just because it gets difficult. Having a quitting mindset never lead me anywhere in life, you have to push through the hard things and keep going.

Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help
3.) This is something I have struggled with i’m pretty stubborn and didn’t always ask for help when I needed it. I had to learn the hard way. Never be too stubborn to ask for help when you hit a roadblock, no matter the situation the only way to get past it might be asking for some input.

Thinking for yourself
4.) Independent thinking  for problem solving and how my kids view a scenario is not always the same as my vision. I try to always support problem solving skills when it comes to playtime. I ask my daughter what she thinks will help fix the problem first before just completing the problem for her.  As an adult she will need to make decisions on her own and I want her to be confident in her decision making skills.

Encouraging Their Ambitions
5.) This is one of the most important things whatever my children show an interest in and want to pursue I will always support and encourage them. Allowing my kids to have their own likes and dislikes is what shapes them as their own individual.

When my kids grown up I want them to have their own dreams to work towards and I want to be able to provide them with the successful life skills and attitude to achieve their own successes.

Let me know what things are important when it comes to raising your own kids, I’d love to hear them!

 

Dear Stranger In the Grocery Store, Last I Checked; I Never Asked for Your Approval When Naming My Children

Dear Stranger In the Grocery Store, Last I Checked; I Never Asked for Your Approval When Naming My Children

I get it everyone is entitled to their opinion, but my question is when it comes to a stranger asking my children’s names and then giving the snippy response of “Wow, those are interesting names, why would you name them that?” Do you really need to share your opinion on whether or not you like or dislike my children’s names?!  My automatic response was “because I liked them!”

Needless to say I was caught off guard by this woman’s reply. I didn’t have time to get upset until the drive home from the grocery store as I thought about it more and more….

First off I have never met you before and you approached me and my kids in the grocery store and initiated the conversation. I was minding my own business and trying to get through the grocery store as quickly as possible before my children ran out of patience. It is extremely rude to come up to someone you don’t know and form an opinion after 5 seconds. Secondly, I have a 4 year old and guess what! she is really intelligent and understands everything you are saying so when you say those things in front of her she retains everything!! Thirdly, my mom instincts go through the roof and I feel my temperature rising that you would say a negative response and take a negative tone about my kids names right in front of them!

If I had to have the conversation again, I wouldn’t get mad or upset. I would simply reply “Because they are the most amazing names ever!” “Hope you have a terrific day!” At the end of the day I only want to teach my children to have a positive attitude and the best way for me to do that is by leading by example.

One thing over the last 4 years of being a mother I have learned is to have have full confidence in your decision making.  Being a mother is difficult there are moments you second guess and question yourself, but never let anyone else make you feel insecure about your parenting even if it’s about your children’s names. I had a moment of insecurity and let that woman make me feel uncomfortable about my children’s names. Never again will I let that happen.

When everything is said and done, who cares! take the high road your children are always listening and observing your actions.

Let me know if you have had any negative comments from strangers about your children and how you responded? I’d love to hear your stories.

When You’re the First One In Your Group of Friends to Have Kids

When You’re the First One In Your Group of Friends to Have Kids

Growing up I was lucky enough to meet my best friends in elementary school who are still my best friends to this very day. I adore my girls and no matter what is going on each others own life’s we are always there for each other. Out of my group of friends I am the only one who is settled down and the only one with kids. As much as I love my friends we are currently at different places. I have two kids to raise with my husband, while some of their biggest worries are trying to figure out which outfit to wear on a date….Needless to say slightly a different set of priorities at the moment.

Being a Mom completely changes your world, priorities, and your thinking about everything. As I love seeing my girlfriends and we will always be friends we seem to have less in common due to our lifestyles being completely different. Our conversations will lead to how tired they are from going out and working, while I find it hard to chime in and hey i’m exhausted too! I’ve carried a baby for 9 months, had a c-section, and have been up with the baby every 3 hours for the last 7 months. Do you want to know what exhaustion really feels like? Have a baby!!  Yeah that would be a conversation killer for sure! Heck i’d be happy to even use the bathroom alone without being harassed by the kids.

It’s one of those things that you can’t wait until your friends settle down and get to have kids of their own and share in the experience of having kids and the 24/7 exhaustion that you experience. The only way your friends will truly understand parenting is once they fully experience it on their own, but until then it’s important to still maintain your relationships.

Just because our lives are currently at different spaces and we might not see or talk to each other as much anymore, it’s still important to keep in touch with your friends. You don’t want to look back and regret not staying in touch with your friends especially as your kids get older and want to hang out with you less!

Let me know if you have any funny stories about your friends who don’t have kids yet! I’d love to hear them.